why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
