Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
