I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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