You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
