some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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