I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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