that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
