how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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