Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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