We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
