There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
