I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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