let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
