No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
