Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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