All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
