I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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