he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
