He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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