mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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