i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
