what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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