Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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