Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
