You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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