When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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