I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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