I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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