How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
