Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I look better un-naked...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
