it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
