We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
