I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
