at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
