Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
