idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
