Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
