i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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