I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
