Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
