try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
