i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
