So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
