I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
