Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
