dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
