Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
