There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
