I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
