Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
