this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
