I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
