if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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