It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
