It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
