once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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