I haven't been this sober since birth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
