How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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