I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
