Your face is a jimmy john
I skipped work to stalk him.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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