did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
