and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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