she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
