I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
