Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
