toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize