Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
