My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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