My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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