One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
